Mother’s Day can be a particularly challenging time for children who have lost their mam and for the surviving parent or carer. It is a day a very emotional day, so it’s essential to provide support, comfort, and a safe space for children to express their feelings.
Here are some ways to help a bereaved child navigate this day:
Take the child for a walk in a place their mam loved. It might be a park, a favourite nature spot, or even around the home where fond memories were made. This can help them feel closer to her.
Cooking or baking a meal that she loved can bring back warm memories. Whether it’s her favourite dish or a special dessert, involving the child in the process allows them to feel connected while creating something meaningful.
If appropriate, visit their mam’s grave or the place where her ashes rest. This can be a peaceful opportunity for reflection or for the child to say things they would have liked mam to hear.
Encourage the child to share stories or talk about their mam. You could help them remember fun moments or things they loved about her. Let them know that it’s okay to talk about their feelings.
Let the child release a balloon, this symbolic gesture can offer a sense of release and help them feel like their thoughts and love are being sent to the sky. Planting bulbs is a hopeful and future focused exercise, and as the flowers grow, they’ll have a visual reminder of their love.
Helping the child create a special card for their mam whether it’s a hand-drawn picture or a heartfelt message, it allows the child to express their emotions in their own way. This could then be brought to the grave of memorial site.
Lighting a candle can be a simple yet powerful way to honour mam. The child can say a few words or simply sit quietly, reflecting on her life and what she meant to them.
For older children and teenagers, you could watch mam’s favourite movie together. Make a night of it and get popcorn and snacks in.
For some children and teenagers, Mother’s Day, especially the first few after mam’s death, can be a distressing day. This is why it’s important to provide options, like the ones listed above, but to take the child’s lead on what they want to do, even if that is nothing. It may just be too much this year. But next year, make sure to provide options again.
If you are the surviving parent or carer, this can be a difficult day for you too. Make sure you draw on the support of your friends and family. Reach out and express your own feelings about what this day means to you now.
You can freephone the Irish Hospice Foundation Bereavement Support Line a confidential space to talk with someone who really understands.
Remember:
Mother’s Day can stir up a range of emotions for a child. It’s important to be patient, provide comfort, and allow space for both grief and love. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, but also that it’s okay to smile and remember the good times. Offer them the permission to grieve in their own way and always be there to listen and support them.
Teachers can help too!
Grief is an ongoing journey for bereaved children, so the issues raised by occasions such as Mother’s Day may be relevant for many years after a death. The most important thing is to always give children a choice. Making a Mother’s Day card in class can be an enjoyable activity for many children – and it may be for some children grieving a mother’s death – but it does require a very sensitive approach. If you are thinking about doing an activity to celebrate Mother’s Day, have a quiet word with a bereaved child and their parent or guardian to let them know what will be happening. Doing this about a week beforehand will give them some time to think. Invite them to decide if they would like to be part of the class activity or not. If they do not wish to participate, respect their decision and perhaps offer them an alternate enjoyable activity. Siblings in the same class may make different choices.
If a child decides to participate, it is generally helpful not to focus too much on them, they will already be feeling different from their peers and will not welcome too much extra attention. Be mindful for a child who may become upset while doing this activity, a kind and gentle response will normally help the child with the emotion that has come to the surface.
Get Involved -Plant a Sunflower in Memory this Mother’s Day
Every year the Irish Hospice Foundation runs a campaign for mothers day.
They come together to plant a sunflower in memory of our mothers who are no longer with us and create a space for those who have lost their mothers or grandmothers to come together and remember them.
Any day can be difficult for grieving the loss of your mother, but special days such as Mother’s Day can be additionally hard.
